do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
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