I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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