Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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