I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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