There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
