What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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