I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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