Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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