i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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