just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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