He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
