You're my little dorito
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
