God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
there is puke in my bra ... again
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
