when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
