Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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