She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
