Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
