Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."