if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
