I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
