i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
