respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
