How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
