i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
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