yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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