I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
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just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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