Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
