I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
