Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
