Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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