I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
