i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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