is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
