Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
