sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
