i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
