I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Who did Billy Mays play for?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
