Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
