he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
