Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it glows. i had to have it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
