i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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