When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
