i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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