hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Jerry, you need to find god
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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