So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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