I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize