i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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