Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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