So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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