Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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