Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
