I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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