Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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