He asked to "fluff my boner.."
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He shit in the fireplace
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
