I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
