WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
