I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
