It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
