Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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