toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i was born a porn star she said
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
