i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
