do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
