Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
