how can u be prego again
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize