had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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