I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
