Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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