in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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