You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
